Father Benny, #1 Dad

So last we visited, Father Benny had successfully established himself as the ad hoc spiritual leader of Vault 551, mainly owing to an absence of any competition and there being only one clergy outfit available.  Thus the Church of the Divine Copulation was formed, and within a quite short time, it successfully claimed a half dozen young women to the true faith via the sacrament of special private confession time with Father Benny, one on one.

The Father chose the location of his chapel well.  It is located in an unused Living Quarters seven levels underground, making it generally safe from intruders from the surface.  To the right is the Vault Bar, where fellow Dwellers can drink their way to higher charisma.  One floor below is the gaming room/casino.  Finally, to the left and past the main elevator, is a mess hall.  As a result, Father Benny rarely has to leave the immediate vicinity of the CoDC chapel, while also sitting in a pretty high traffic recreational corridor.

In fact, when he isn't busy counseling his flock, he's often next door drinking alone and thinking about how awesome of a father he is.

Father Benny drinks - and parents - responsibly.

So at this point, the first few of the Church's new generation have been born and are roaming around the Vault, generally being annoying and aging suspiciously quickly.  That may be due to the heavy amounts of radiation and FEV (Forced Evolutionary Virus) contamination outside, unfortunately brought inside the vault confines by radroach and molerat infestations.  We haven't had any "incidents" with any of the kids yet, but we should keep an eye on them just to be safe.

Hey.  He was here a minute ago.

Maybe the kid could use a drink.

Oh, yeah.  There's that rugrat.

Daddy drinks because you cry, Mark.

Mark Sanders.  Took his Mom's last name, but she sure doesn't spend any time keeping track of the kid.  Mom's working down in WRU-4, where Benny used to work.  Mark apparently was born with that stupid mohawk, and every time he enters a room he just has to STRUT in and try to work the room.  Annoying kid.  Something about him just ain't quite right.

I mean, there's a reason Mark doesn't have friends.

"How about hide and seek?  Anyone?"

Mark, there's no one in the storage depot with you.  You're literally talking to BOXES.

Some french toast and cappuccino would be awesome, too.

In the storage room down the hall.  Still talking to boxes.  There's NO ONE ELSE THERE, MARK.  And donuts?  Yeah, I'm sure donuts are on the menu tomorrow, kid, rather than the Soylent Green biscuits you've eaten every morning and will continue to eat every day of your miserable underground life.

Clearly, Mark has issues.  Unfortunately, Vault 551 lacks psychiatric care, our medical resources dedicated mainly to trauma care and radiation management.  So hopefully Father Benny's high quality, responsible parenting techniques can be of some help here.

"If you know what I mean.  I mean, I do have a camera."

Oh.  Yeah.  Okay.  Father Benny's busy.  To be fair, parenting is hard.

Wait - where'd Mark go?  For goodness sake.  Can't turn your back on that kid for a moment.

".. and a hand grenade .. and some donuts for breakfast .."

Oh crap.  SECURITY!

Okay, listen up workers in Power Generation Room 2: do NOT give Mark a gun.  I repeat, do NOT give Mark a gun.  Don't let his smile and cocky strut fool you, he is delusional and highly dangerous.  And how did a kid get into the PGR, anyway?

We are SO having a safety meeting after your shift, people.

Mark may have to be assigned on "wasteland exploration" duty when he grows up: shoved out the airlock into the barren hell outside, not allowed to crawl back inside until he comes back with good loot.  I just don't see him being trusted with anything important and/or dangerous.

Sigh.  And more kids on the way.  You know what Father Benny says.

Father Benny, #1 Dad.  Creating the future of Vault 551, one mohawk at a time.