Happy Happy Joy Joy

Current Vault 551 Status

Population: 179
Overall Happiness: 95% 
Benny Happiness: 100%
Wealth: 59,024 caps

So, we're proud to announce that the aforementioned program combining state-run sex slavery and forced death marches has thus far been an unqualified success!

That's all that your Overseer really wanted to hear.

We are now holding steady at a 95% general happiness level in Vault 551.  Population levels seem to be well managed, and production has never been better. Deathclaw attacks are being solidly put down now with only the rare occasional fatality, and molerat attacks are being swiftly contained before they can spread into wider disasters.

Life in Vault 551 right now is pretty freaking awesome. At least for Dwellers who are willing to be happy.

So for those just tuning in, this week Vault 551 got a bit more serious about morale.  After a variety of calamities, we'd been stuck at 86% or so happiness for quite some time.  If we wanted to get production bonuses back to full levels, we'd need to punch those numbers up above 90%.

We also had a population growth problem.  The radio station has been working extremely well, attracting random people - and Deathclaws - from across the Wasteland, drawn in by Father Benny's message of hope and happiness for all.  The radio station boosts general Vault happiness and attracts Deathclaws as well.

"Ohshitshitshitshitshit"

We can manage the Deathclaws, and we want to keep the radio happiness boost.  But we needed to do something about the constant stream of new people.

As the Wasteland women have the distinct advantage of essentially being universal sexual partners (as they're not burdened by being related to anyone in the Vault), they have all been accepted with open arms - and open pants - to the Vault 551 family.  New Charisma-raising bar facilities have been built directly around the old CoDC Sanctuary for them to lounge about in skimpy lingerie and drink.

Befitting their new place, the Vault 551 Comfort Girls are renamed upon acceptance with the surname "Slave" and a cheesy stripper first name.  Destiny Slave is our most popular girl currently, but now we also have Rayvnn, Glori, Mandee, Sissy, Kitty and others.

When we notice that a valued male Dweller is starting to get a little blue, he gets a few hours off to spend with one of the girls.  Soon they're both 100% happy and she's pregnant.  We've also been giving recent male graduates of the training system celebratory freebies before sending them out to their first production jobs.

So that has been an incredibly powerful strategy for bringing overall happiness averages back up, which is great, but we still have that pesky issue of birthrate and population growth.  We're dealing with that in a couple of ways.

The male Wastelanders called in by the radio are outfitted with formal wear (finally, a use for it!  we've got, like, 25 of the damned things in storage) and a cheap gun and sent back out to explore. The tuxedos give them Luck stat bonuses, which hopefully will occasionally be a help in tripping over decent loot from time to time.  Mostly though, it's just funny to send them out dressed in fancy duds to die.  And die they commonly do.

We've attracted a much higher percentage of women than men with the radio than expected, so right now we have a dozen Comfort Girls on staff.  We'll probably have to start death marching new women Wastelanders now as well.

That brings us to the Deadmeats.  Ah, the wee Deadmeats.

Kevin Deadmeat hasn't yet solved the mystery of the low kid population in Vault 551.

To keep things nicely organized, all babies resulting from our sex slavery operation are renamed at birth with the surname Deadmeat.  They basically exist to die at the earliest opportunity, which is as soon as they mature into level-1 adults. We then round them up and shove them into the Incident Room to be rushed to death.  If there are more than two of them, we stack them up in nearby warehouse space to keep them from roaming while we work down the line.

Deadmeats typically end up being burned alive or torn apart by radioactive cockroaches, and then we hose out the room for the next Deadmeat batch.  A 75% happiness lab tech stands nearby with a decent weapon, ready to clean up and reset the room.  Once we've rushed the room to about a 75% incident risk, it's nicely warmed up and kills quite efficiently and quickly - we even get a bit of power generation during the room's spin up phase!

Ken and Peter Deadmeat: "What do you mean they're rushing it AGAIN?!"

This allows us to generate 100% happiness people on one end and quickly eliminate 50% happiness people on the other end.  This is how we're up to 95% happiness in Vault 551 and managing to decrease the surplus population at the same time.

So things are pretty stable right now, and not much else to report.  Vincent Mitchell has decided to resign his position with the CoDC, a move that Father Benny has reluctantly chosen to accept. Vincent has taken a new position in the Med Lab.  We're sad to see him go, but wish him the best in his new chosen career field.

We also have a new Vault Dweller from a lunchbox bonus: Dylan Sanders.  He's a bit weird.  He showed up in a horror fan outfit and seems to work best alone.  But he is a hard worker.  So we've trained him and assigned Dylan to the job of managing one of the Deadmeat warehouse storage spaces.  He seems to like it, and best of all, he doesn't have much contact with other people.

We try not to go down there.  Dylan prefers the dark and his privacy, it seems.

"THE SKIES WILL RAIN WITH THE BLOOD OF THE UNWORTHY."  "So that's a no, then?"